weighing on my mind

I want to get this apartment:

I already thought I had it, then thought I didn't. and now I think I have it again. It's more than I can afford but it's what I'm ready for. I want to afford and have nice things. This is something nice. I should have it.

I'm afraid to live on my own in a new town. I think I'll get lonely and cry. This is very possible. However, at the same time I really do enjoy my freedom and even tonight and today, I had a good time hanging out with friends and I'm happy to be home, with roommates out of town, on my couch on my own. Maybe this is a good change? I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy this... I also am afraid that this is what I'll be always: alone.

I realized last week that I really enjoy who I'm becoming and I'm about ready to share that with someone else.

Other things:

- I broke my baking pact in lieu of friendship bread. I freaking love this stuff and I'm sharing most of it :) which I think friends are worth a slight detour :)

- I'm anxious and nervous to start work tomorrow. I think it will be really good to meet people outside of class but it always weighs on me a little when I think about how much time and energy making new friends can be.

- Christmas cannot come soon enough.

- This last week of school was really hard. I hit a wall, of sorts. Not a typical wall, but rather one more like a matress. made of Jell-O pudding. fashioned from apathy. I'm hoping that this break will give me time to explore the other things in life that energize and revive me. I'm so exhasted from dilligently studying every second... I just don't have much more left to give. It's time for a change of pace.

Take Home Lesson: